don't do it
by Robin Silverman
Summary: pepper doesn't want him to, he needs to. back in Afghanistan, back in the cave, reliving what happened. Tony Stark bares all to the most unlikely people, the press. rated for angst and graphic scenes. please don't flame.
1. I'm going to do it

Pepper Potts strawberry blond head peaked into her office, only to find a very handsome man with coal black hair and chocolate brown eye sitting behind her desk his hands speeding across her key board every few seconds his eyes darting from the computer screen to a pad sitting next to his right elbow. "Mr. Starke what are you doing?" peppers demanded, her arms crossing over her chest. Tony Starke typed for a few more seconds before looking up at her, he leaned back away from the computer one sturdy hand remaining on the desk drumming away, "tell me about this e-mail" he said in a baritone voice send chills down her spine "which e-mail sir?" she asked a nervous crack to her voice, she swore one of his eyebrows raised when she spoke. In response he leaned forward and turned her computer screen around to face her. She glanced at it and her face fell "oh" she said, "that one". He nodded turning around, she could feel the tension thickening, "and tell me why did you delete it instead of sending it to me" he asked still in that utter calm deep voice. "Because I don't want you to do it sir," she said simply, her small hands wring each other in nervous anticipation. "Sorry to disappoint Miss Potts but I'm going to do it, I'm going to go back there," he said a tired edge creeping into his voice; the chair creaked as he turned back around.

She looked up to find him looking at her, a worn expression etched into his eyes. Before she new it her face was in his rough hands, his eyes staring into hers, he leaned forward their lips met her eyes widened for a moment then closed, her hands wrapped in his hair. His arms pulled her in close to him. The kiss was deep and gentle longing and insecurity seeped from each other until nothing was left but pure bliss. He pulled away, breaking the kiss, and Pepper looked up at him, she knew it was wrong to be in his arms but it felt so right to her. "It's good to know that somebody's at home waiting, makes sure that I come home too," he stated a smile creeping onto his face, "god your beautiful" he said quietly to her, she was taken by surprise by the comment, there was no hint of any come on or flirting, he truly meant what he said. She began to smile, and stood on her toes placing a soft kiss on his cheek then broke from his grasp and turned around so he couldn't see the blush rising on her face. His hand found hers and he squeezed it once before pulling the door open and walking out, into the secretarial office. Pepper looked properly worried, she looked back to the computer screen and sighed turning it back around on its swivel neck.

The next few days if anyone at the office noticed the growing tension between them, almost no one commented on it, not even behind their backs. It was clear Pepper Potts was off her game, and Tony was being extremely professional his eyes almost cold when he looked in her direction, and her expression clearly hurt no matter how impassive she tried to be about it. One day an older secretary came up to Pepper "honey what's going on between you two?" she asked. "Nothing" Pepper answered her voice cracked. The older women heard it, and placed a consoling hand on her shoulder. "Did you sleep with him?" she asked. Pepper's head turned toward the elder woman, "no I did not!" she snapped.

"Then why the tension around you two?" the other woman asked. Pepper sighed and leaned back "I check all of his e-mails and I read one that requested him to do a live interview in the place where he was held captive… I didn't think he should do it so I deleted it," she said. The elder secretary smiled at her "men are difficult honey, but they know how for they can go, at least that man does" she said referring to Tony. Pepper smiled at the woman "thank you but I still don't feel right about this." "You may not want him to do this and I know your worried, hell we all are, but I think he feels that its time to adjust and move on, and the only way he'd be able to do that is go back, see it again and realize that what happened is in the past that things and people are constantly changing. Speaking of which have you ever wondered why he keeps you so close?" with that the woman left, Pepper confused and unsure sighed and put her head in her hands fighting back tears of frustration, she had never felt so confused before.

He stood in front of the mirror straitening his black tie for the ump tenth time, he growled and pulls it off throwing it at the mirror. It landed in the sink draped over the faucet, Tony sighed and slumped over, head bent. Pepper had left earlier in the evening a sad look on her face. He looked back up at him self his face was pail brown eyes looked haunted, on a spur of the moment he unbuttons his top two buttons and takes off his jacket leaving rumpled on the bathroom floor. He checked his watch and sighed 30 minutes before he had to be at the airport to meet Rhodey, pepper already said she was not going. He looked at his bags he reached over and dumped the one with clothing out, if he was going to go back to his hellhole, damn it he was going to do it in comfort. He repack throwing in torn jeans, grease stained t-shirts, old sneakers, cotton pajamas, and an old M.I.T sweater. Smiling at his bag he looked at his watch again and notice he was late, "damn," he muttered grabbing his bags and running out to meet happy who was on the phone with someone "no I wont… never mind here he is." "Who was it?" Tony asked. "Pepper, sir, she wanted me to make you reconsider." Happy said snapping the phone shut. "She's not happy about this is she?" Tony asked, sliding into the back of the car.

"No she isn't sir."

"What about you, Happy?"

"Not my place, sir"

"Oh common."

"Fine, I think it's stupid, holding the interview back there" happy said thrusting his thumb over his shoulder.

" I know, but I … I want to make sure that it was real, you know, make sure it wont come back."

" I understand, sir, just want to make sure this isn't a publicity stunt."

"Maybe it is, I'm not really sure myself, Harold."

"Right…you gonna be okay?"

"I hope so, I really hope so." The rest of the car ride was in relatively comfortable silence.

The car pulled up along side the plane Rhodey stood in the hatchway of the plane his cell phone to his ear eyebrows nit together. When Tony waved at him from the car side he snapped the phone shut looking like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Tony smiled and greeted his friend as he ascended the steps to the plane. "Pepper?" he asked. Colonel James Rhodes nodded sheepishly a blush creeping up his dark cheeks, Tony chuckled ducking his head as he stepped into the plane, and was met with cool air. Instead of being comforted he shivered his nerves where wearing thin and it hadn't even started. He sighed and dropped down into the double length davenport, laying back eyes closed. Oh god what was he doing? He needed a drink, he stood in front of the bar, hands around the scotch bottle, shaking. He promised himself no drinking, but what was one little drink? He spun around scotch in hand he stepped back out of the cabin on to the stairs "Heads up!" he called launch the bottle into the air and watch in satisfaction as it soared through the air to crash into the concrete a good hundred yards away. Satisfied he turned away and went back into the plain.

Rhodey came up to him as the plain was taking off, "what was in the bottle you threw?" he asked. "oh, nothing really just scotch" Tony said with mock boredom shrugging his shoulders.

"Why?"

"To keep a promise."

"What kind of promise?"

"An important one," Tony replied shrugging of the question.

"Tony why are you avoiding my questions?'

"Because you ask to many." Tony said standing up and walking to the back of the plain. Rhodey sighed watching his friend leave. He understood why Tony was doing, going back, facing his nightmares, he just hoped that Tony could handle it, and that the weather would hold out long enough.


	2. telling how things began

thank you all who reviewed, and sadly the only thing i own of iron man is the comic books and my imagination.

He dreamed of her again, her fire red hair dancing in the sun, her slim figure wearing her pinstripe suite, every thing perfect. He called out to her, arms calling her to an embrace. She greeted him with her smile and held a manila folder out to him I need you to sign these she said her honey voice rich with humor. She smiled and opened the file glancing over the papers he thought they looked familiar; it wasn't till the words 'name of the deceased' jumped out at him did he realize he had signed them before, many years ago, a lifetime it felt. They were death certificates. His heart dropped from the middle of his chest to his gut. He looked up at Pepper she smiled pleasantly at him never seeing the look on his face he looked back down at the documents then back up in time to see an explosion feet behind pepper. Her back arched as she was blown forward by the shock wave. He dropped the file and reached out to grab her she landed heavy in his arms. He dropped to his knees her form limp.

Slowly she lifted a pail bloody hand "Tony… why… why me? Why did they… go after… me? Her hand touch his cheek, then dropped with her last sigh. Tony's tears mingled with the blood on his cheek as he clutched her tightly to him. The sound of footsteps, echoed in the formless place that was once his haven. When the click of a gun cocking echoed, Tony looked up to see Yinsen aiming a gun at his head. Yinsen's quiet voice rang in Tony's ears as he asked, "why did I have to die for you, Tony? Why didn't you just do as they asked? I would still be alive, if you had just listened to them." The last words where ground out with a vicious snarls anger seeping from his pores. His finger squeezed the trigger. …

A loud clang jolted Tony awake panting heavily in cold sweat, Rhodey kneeled and pick up a steel cup up off the floor, "sorry" he said. Tony smile at him weakly, then relaxed back into the bed.

After he let his heart calm down he sat up and threw the covers off himself. Setting his feet on the floor he leaned his elbows on his thighs and dropped his head into his hands. A heavy sigh passed his lips.

The bed dipped with the extra weight of Rhodey sitting down next to him, "want to talk about?" he asked. Tony turned to look at him and gave a sad strained smile, "I don't want to give you nightmares too," tony responded.

"I know it hurts, but you cant pretend nothings hurting you."

"Who said I was pretending?"

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah I do, sadly."

"so what was with the liquor tossing thing?"

Tony chuckled, "I didn't want make this any less significant by showing up drunk."

"Nobody would've thought less of you if you did."

"maybe not, but I would've."

Rhodey nodded accepting the answer, and then the pilot's voice came over the intercom system, "arriving in Afghanistan, in an hour sirs might want to get ready." Tony stood up then and stretched popping a couple of his joints, and flexing others.

An hour latter he stepped out of the plain into the bright desert sun, to great the documentary crew. 'The hell of war' was supposed to be a big up and coming documentary done by CNN.

He shook hands and told jokes, forcing himself to relax, until it began. When the hum-vee rolled to a stop Tony immediately recognized the area, "the reporter, a male about forty with pepper grey hair and brown eyes, put a large hand on his arm. "We're going to use a hand held for this part since every thing was set up in the cave before you came." Tony nodded and stepped out of the vehicle. Again he stretched more to do something than to flex. Several deep breaths had the butterflies in his stomach somewhat under control.

"Okay were rolling" said the camera man, Rhodey saw what the camera saw. Tony stark in black dress pants and a plain cotton white dress-shirt, Sleeves rolled up, stood alone in the middle of a dirt road with dry clumps of grass on either side of the road. Tony stood his head down, hands clasped behind his back, the slight stinging hot wind ruffling his coal black hair. "Mr. stark?" called out the reporter. Tony slowly looked up and in the direction of the camera, a small smile playing across his face. "Sorry, thinking of happier things."

"Like what?"

"Oh the time when my father took a day of work to take me to New York, and we went to the zoo and I got so scared by the giraffe I dropped my ice cream on his head." A soft chuckle escaped from his chest, there was a somber air about him.

"Would you tell us what happened hear?"

"It was quiet, well not really, music was playing on this pink CD player. They were so tense you could have cut the air with a knife. I was trying to get them to loosen up; I actually managed. They were laughing, one wanted my picture, Johnson, I think, he was trying to get… Richards, to use the camera, right. Johnson had reached for the camera when the hum-Vee in front of use exploded.

"It looked allot like the explosions when we tested the weapons."

"I remember Lopez getting out of the jeep with Richards. They had yelled at Johnson to stay with me. When they went down he got out and told me to stay in the jeep. He was about a yard from the jeep when he was killed."

"I slipped out of the hum-vee and ran toward the rocks." He had started wondering around the area while he was talking. He rest his hands on the scared rocks where he had hidden, a shudder ran through him. I had taken my phone out and called Pepper, I… I couldn't think of anyone else to call!. He sighed shoulders hunched. I remember when the bomb landed next to me I saw the 'stark industries' logo, I had for a moment thought it was a dud," a dark chuckle escaped him he turned his head giving the camera a side view of his handsome trouble face. Shoulda' known a better, I designed that bomb, it was going to work." He swallowed and turned back to face the camera. "I was wearing a bullet proof vest, the best, though it be good to for precaution, wasn't even on the market yeah. Didn't do any good, the shrapnel still went right through it, knocked me flat on my back." He looked away, took a deep breath and slowly let it out then faced the camera again, "I swear I herd Pepper call my name." the last part was barely loud enough for the camera to pick up.

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I've had this story on my computer for a while and figured it was time to post so thank you for reading and i will try to post again as soon as i can! XD


	3. explaining why

Pepper Potts sat at her desk and tried to ignore the many thoughts running around in her head. She just hadn't been able to sleep that night, worry gnawed at her inside making her sick to her stomach. Her eyes flickered to her cell phone for maybe the hundredth time that minute. It didn't so much as beep. To calm her nerves she turned on the News, hoping to distract herself.

"we have just gotten a report that the area where Anthony stark will be in Afghanistan for his interview is being hit by a major sand storm, we don't know when its expected to end but from what know so far it doesn't look like it will end soon." The reporter announced, her voice to cheery for Peppers taste. Pepper dropped her head into her hands. Her mulling was cute short by 'Riot' Tony's ring tone. Pepper dashed to her phone and answered, "Hello?" she sighed with relief when Tony's voce came on over the line. "hey Pepper, Worried?"

"hell yes, where are you?"

"hell."

"Tony, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine for now, but I swear I will be glad when I'm back home."

"Every one will be."

"Including you?"

"Yes, including me."

"I'm a little disappointed though."

"Why?"

"the reporters not my type."

"Tony any females your type."

"That's the problem, this one ain't female."

Pepper stopped for a second and blinked, "what?"

"Oh common Pepper your faster than that."

"Sorry I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"Sorry"

"What makes you think it's your fault?"

"Pepper, when you don't get any sleep at night its usually my fault."

"right" there was static on the other line then a beep, when Tony's voice got through it was choppy. "S…Sorry Pepperrrrrrr I…I…I'm gunna have to llllllllllllllllllet you go, lines be…being a dick."

"Right Tony talk to later."

"bye"

"bye" Pepper held the phone to her ear for a long time listening to the dial tone.

Tony put the phone down and sighed he missed her. He looked out of the caves entrance and watched the sand go by. "This is going to be a long interview," Tony said to Rhodey as his friend came up from behind him. "Yes it is, come on the film crew is set up," Rhodey replied placing his had on Tony's shoulder. Tony turned towards him "why the rush?"

"guess they just want this over with."

"Me too."

"so how's Pepper?"

"She's doing alright, she'll be happy when my plains lands after al this is over."

"I think everyone will be."

"Yeah"

"lets go,"

"okay"

Tony and Rhodey walked away from the mouth of the cave, their minds running. One thing tony new that was different from the last time he was in the cave he was with a friend he new would be with him when they left.

The lighting was horrible, but they made it work. the two chairs in the center of the deserted cave where ignore as tony and the reporter walked around the cave.

Tony ran his hands over the metal work table, his fingers feeling every scratch and ding.

The anvil, and hammer.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I never thought I would be here again," he said. The reporter watched him jotting down notes for questions, he needed to be thorough in his questioning to make sure he asked the right questions to turn the watchers to his and the interviewees side. He wanted the world to see through the invulnerability people had placed on Tony stark, especially after the whole I m Iron man escapade.

'Ooh another question to ask' he thought righting down the little reminder.

Fifteen before filming was to begin Tony had conveniently disappeared one of the crew had asked Rhodey to find him. Five minutes later he found Tony sitting deep in the cave legs crossed Indian style with his hands resting palm up and relaxed his back was supported by the wall and his eyes closed. Rhodey reached down and gently shook him. Tony opened a bleary eye and smiled, "meditation is very helpful when suffering from anxiety," he said. Rhodey nodded and offered his hand. Tony accepted it gratefully and pulled himself to his feet with a groan his knees protesting to the movement.

"Think they'll notice the limp?" he asked Rhodey.

"Probably"

"Don't want to keep people waiting"

"Nope… you know you don't have to do this,we could call the whole thing off."

"Rhodey I appreciate it, I do, but I said I was going to do this, and besides with that storm like it is we aren't getting out of this cave for a while"

Rhodey sighed, "Fair enough, shall we?" Tony nodded and led the way back.

The camera focused as Tony sat down "we rollin' ?" he asked the camera man. The unremarkable man nodded. He turned his attention to the reporter. "Mister Stark" the man said holding out his hand. Tony grasped it and said "Tony please, mister Stark was my father." The reporter smiled, "Why don't we start simple, who are you?" Tony snorted, "That's simple?"

"Fairly yes"

"I am Anthony Edward Stark, son of Howard Stark and Maria Stark, a former weapons designer and engineer, I run an international corporation built by my father, and I run rescue missions for the military when they have neither the equipment or the man power to handle dangerous missions."

"would these missions explain you limp when you where coming in?"

Tony cracked a smile "Damn I was hoping you wouldn't notice. To answer the question, yes I am recovering from several injuries received during my most recent mission"

"Which was?"

"Classified,"

"I though the armor protected you."

"From bullets, and small missiles yes, from getting pounded into the ground by said Bullets and Missiles, no."

"How did you come up with the Iron Man?"

"Essentially I always had the thought, I just needed the excuse to have a field day."

"And being kidnapped gave you the excuse you needed?"

"Yeah pretty much."

"I am aware we are slightly off topic but what made you go into engineering? From what I've found out when you where younger you quite musical."

"to my mothers delight. You know I never really thought about it before, I always wanted to be an engineer. I idolized my father, when I was little I practically held him in the light of a god, or at least invincible, what child doesn't?"

"True, so it was your desire to mirror your father that turned you to engineering?"

"No, Not really. When I was twelve I realized I was smarter than my father, when I realized that, I tried to prove it to him by doing everything in my power to one up him."

" You certainly did that."

"Did I?"

"What do you mean?"

" I fallowed in his foot steps I did exactly what he did, I put all my effort on the weapons and ignored every thing else. I let other people handle medical brake throws, I let other people worry about the ramifications of my mind and its destructive ideas." Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair again a frown etched into the lines on his face "for years I was drowning my self in alcohol and I never understood why. Do you know why?"

The reporter shook his head.

I was feeling guilty about all the people I'd inadvertently killed, and you know what it took for me to realize this?"

Another shake.

"Going cold turkey in a cave in Afghanistan, with nothing but an old man rats and flees to keep my company."


	4. the great escape!

**sorry this took so long to post been preoccupied, that being said i don't own ironman.... DAMN!

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Tony stood staring out the cave mouth watching the wall of billowing sand his hair wind swept and curling. He was in a pair of torn grease stained jeans, his cotton button down open and a soft glow emanating from the reactor in his chest under the t-shirt. His long calloused hands where clasped behind his back. The look was calm and contemplative, he looked at peace in some weird sense.

The cameraman spotted him as he headed to the bathroom and stopped mesmerized by the image of the man with his back to him. He quickly lifted his hand held camcorder from around his neck and turned it on. He focused it and spoke up "Mr. Stark what are you thinking?"

Tony glanced over his shoulder, and then shrugged "not really thinking at all."

"What do you mean"?

"I'm just staring out at the sand and letting my mind wander.

"Wandering, where"

"Every where, the dimensions of the cave, the documents I forgot to sign be for I left, what the weathers like in New York."

"Anything else?"

"The color of peppers hair in the sun."

"He looked back and smiled to tell the camera man he was joking. The smile its self seemed wistful and a bit sad. The cameraman lowered his camera and just stood watching him.

Pepper Potts sighed and turned over in her bed, she couldn't sleep, not with Tony on her mind. She was starting to wish she'd gone with him. She turned to her other side then finally gave up, getting out of bed she padded across the hardwood floor to the light switch and with a flick of her wrist. She walked over to the bookshelf and glanced at the tittles pulling one out at random and shuffled to her living room where she turned on the lamp and dropped into the recliner. She opened the cover and spotted Tony's handwriting on the title page. It read, "I remembered you wanted this book and I figured I'd get it for you, kind of an I'm sorry for bailing on the R&D meeting, last week." Pepper smiled and stared at it for a moment more before flipping to the prologue.

The reporter watched for the camera mans nod then turned to Tony stark, he was dressed in the same thing he wore for the first part of the interview. "Now, the question everyone has been wanting an answer to, what happened to you after the attack on the convoy?"

"I don't really remember what happened right after the attack, but I do remember something's, I remember being in the dark, voices, muffled, they where speaking, then suddenly, it's bright, and I'm facing a video camera, I do remember one word that I understood." Tony paused, he watched as the reporter is practically sitting on the edge of his seat, wanting the rest of what he had to say, Tony suppressed a smile.

"What was it?"

"Stane,"

"The reporter paused, then "what else do you remember?"

"After, the camera the only thing I remember before being in here was, feeling this excruciating pain like some one was carving me up for dinner. This man was standing over me with a doctors mask, I had woken up in the middle of surgery to get the shrapnel out of my chest." Tony shivered slightly and resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest.

"That must have been frightening."

Tony looked at the reporter and shrugged, "yeah it was, still have nightmares about it, I never really liked doctors and waking up with a guy holding a scalpel over you and blood soaked into his front doesn't do much to give you a good opinion of them even he was a decent guy."

The reporter nodded in agreement, "why did they want to keep you alive?"

"They wanted me to build them a Jericho missile."

"Did you?"

"Fuck no, soon as I did, I'd be shot full of holes then hung out to dry."

"But if you didn't you'd have been killed sooner"

"True but then again, I'm a genius, which they seemed to have forgotten." It wasn't a boast it was a statement, a fact nothing more.

"So…um…. when they demanded you to build the Jericho what did you say?"

"At first it was a flat out no."

"At first?"

"Three days of torture would change a lot of peoples minds."

"If you don't mind me asking, what kind of torture?"

"Drowning mostly, some electrocution, only I think the electrocution wasn't intentional. I couldn't go near the pool or hot tub for three months when I got home, I only took showers."

"So you agreed to build the missile to get them to stop?"

"Yeah, never did though"

"So what did you build?"

"The original iron man suit."

"Really? What did it look like?"

"You've already seen it."

"I have?"

Yeah, you remember that giant metal thing I was fighting in California, before the 'I am Iron man' press conference,"

"Yeah most everybody saw it"

"Well that was the original, not nearly as big and it couldn't fly but the main design was the same."

"So you brought the original back?"

"No, it was junk by the time I got out of here."

"Then how did it end up in California?"

"I left the blueprints here by mistake, and the armor wasn't as damaged as I had thought"

"You left the blueprints?"

"Yeah, I was kind of in a hurry trying to get me and Yenssin, the doctor, out alive, I never thought they'd figure the thing out."

"So you escaped with the doctor?"

"No only I escaped Yenssin died trying to by me time to get the armors programming uploaded."

"Oh, I'm sorry"

"Don't be, he's with his family now" Tony looked sad when he said it. He took a moment to collect himself before letting the reporter ask his next question.

You got free of the caves we're in now, then what you, walked across the dessert?

No, I had the good fortune of being picked up by an old army buddy of mine."

The camera turned to Rhodey, "what did you think when you saw him again?" the reporter asked. "I though he looked like hell, and I was really happy to see him alive," Rhodey answered.

Tony chuckled "he damn near broke my ribs he hugged me so hard."

Rhodey, scoffed, "I did not, I just bruised them."

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**i am a review whore and your my pimp REVIEW! you know you want to, its the button bellow with the green lettering, click it you can't resist.**


	5. a worn god and human

A/N sorry everyone it took me so long to post, but i seriously hope you enjoy this new chapter, and just for you my readers i have given you more pepper. as always i do not own iron man, except the movie. i do own that, any way enjoy and please review

Pepper Potts, paced her office in impotence, she needed to talk to him, she needed to know Tony was alright. Her phone rang causing her to jump; she fumbled the phone trying to get to it. When she held the receiver to her ear his laughter greeted her. She gave a sigh of relief, and sagged bonelessly in her office chair. "Mr. Stark, please stop laughing it's really not that funny," she told him, a mild blush creeping onto her cheeks. "Sorry," he said. "You know what?"

"What?" she asked him red eyebrow arching.

The food here sucks, when I get home lets go eat at some all American burger joint, no one has ever heard of,"

Pepper smiled and nodded, "it'll be the first thing on your schedule."

Tony little cheer seemed forced, hell the whole conversation seemed forced. Her eyebrows knitted together in worry, "Tony, how are the nightmares?" she asked not really expecting him to answer.

"Worse, a lot worse, but they're not as bad as in the beginning, I'm actually getting a good five hours before I have to check and make sure everyone is still alive, man I wish you were here." He told her.

Pepper grieved in her heart for him, "when do you think you'll get back?"

"When this storm ends, or when hell freezes over, whichever comes first."

So you don't really know."

She could almost hear his head shaking over the static in the background, "no I don't, and I'm sorry Pepper, leaving all the work on you,"

Pepper smiled, "why are you apologizing, I already did most of the work before you left."

"Which time are you referring to Pepper?"

Pepper paused; somehow the air felt heavier, how could one simple sentence seem to carry so much weight? "All of them sir, I've been doing your work since you hired me."

His laugh seemed much easier than the one she had heard at the beginning of the conversation. "I'm sorry I have to go, they're about to get us ready for another film shoot, and Pepper?"

"Yes sir?"

"Thanks, you save my life, every time"

She didn't quite get what he meant but, it touched her none the less. "You're welcome, Tony, come home safe,"

I'll give it my all," he told her, and with that the line went dead.

Pepper leaned back in her chair and sighed, she didn't know whether to cry or jump for joy, he was alive but, he was also suffering. She shivered and rapped her arms around her; she needed him with her she needed him, to be alright.

Across the world, Tony stark stood, the camera's on him, they had lit the oven just for this shot. He stood, silhouetted by the glowing fire, his hands on the worn metal desk, its scratches and gouges mixed in with the dings and dents, and even the occasional bullet pockmark. His head was down eyes closed, he was dressed similar to what he had been wearing during the earlier shots outside, his white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, his black dress pants had been switched out for jeans, and instead of dress shoes he wore a pair of old sneakers. The camera saw a man standing in front of a roaring fire, black hair aglow; he looked as if he could pass for a god, a very tired worn god.

He looked up and turned towards the camera, brown eyes seeming to glow. "I damn near lost my life in these god forsaken caves, and in away, a part of me did die." He turned to the fire hands clasped behind his back, even dressed as he was no one could doubt that the man in front of them was very powerful. The reporter's voice sounded from behind the camera, "what part was that Mr. stark?" tony moved then, walking over to a work bench and anvil, he picked up the hammer on the anvil and raised it to eye level. "Mr. Stark?" the reporter asked. Tony's eyes flickered towards the camera, "I lost the child in me, no child could survive here, I had to grow up, and I had to stop playing games, and survive. Some people say that I built the armor as a joyride. That might be true, a part of me wants me to be a kid again, but really I built it as a means to an end, first it was to escape, then it was to perfect and control, and lastly, it was to protect. To protect me and everyone I care about, and to protect the world in a way. I lost a part of myself that had me thinking fast cars hot sex and skipping out on work was fun, and it was. I was trying to defy my own authority and escape, now I have to live up to it, now I have to be better, I can't just be smarter than my father," he looked at the camera, his eyes seemed to pierce it, "I have to be more responsible, much more responsible." He looked back at the hammer, and smiled "time to get out of my old man's shadow."

As the cameras turned off and people began to wander away, Rhodey approached he held out his hand for the hammer. Tony turned to him and smiled, "you sure," Rhodey nodded. "It's heavy," tony warned, passing it to Rhodey. He grasped the handle, and prepared for tony to let go, he was caught by surprise the hammer seemed to way a ton he had to grasp it with both hands. Tony laughed at his reaction, a loud ringing laugh, "you need to bulk up," he said catching his breath. Rhodey glared at him, he put the hammer down on the anvil with a loud clank. "You are insane," he told his friend, dusting his hands off, "how much does that thing way?" tony picked it back up with one hand just piss him off, "about fifty pounds give or take," he said, bringing it over his head and swung it down, stopping just an inch from the anvil head. He looked over his shoulder at his friend. Rhodey scoffed and looked away "show off," he muttered. Tony laughed and put the hammer back down, he wrapped an arm around his friend's shoulder, "if it makes you feel any better, first time I tried using the anvil I couldn't even pick the damn thing up." Rhodey looked at him, "you know that does make it a little better."

Feet away in a corner of the cave, the same camera man who had seen Ton staring out the cave door, held the camera, that was always around his neck, up to his eye and filmed them leaving the cave. He had caught the whole display of strength, and was to say the least was impressed.

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	6. allusions to mortality

A/N: I am so sorry that it's been so long since I've updated this story and I'm not going to make excuses. So here is chapter 6 and please, please forgive me. R.S. I will be making a couple of references to iron man two in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own ironman Stan the man lee does…. I do hope to be working for him one day.

Pepper stared down at her paper work not really seeing it. Her mind wondered to tony and how he was doing in those caves. She still remembered the nightmares he suffered with from the torture he'd been through. She shivered as the scars that littered his back crossed her mind, or the twisted scar that marred his shoulder. But what made her want to weep was the arc reactor in his chest, it glowed so brightly a never ending reminder of what he'd been through.

Sighing she turned away from her computer screen and went to his office door. She could imagine him just beyond that door bent over documents of some sort, or working on blue prints. She could imagine the smell of his after shave wafting over her as she entered that door with more papers to sign. Silently she closed her eyes and grasped the stainless steel door handle and pushed open the glass door. As she stepped in the muted smell of his aftershave wafted over her like it always did and for a moment she could see him sitting behind the desk suit jacket hung haphazardly over the back of his chair sleeves rolled up and collar undone. She could see him look up at her and smile that slight smile that tells her he's happy to see her.

She opened her eyes and the image was gone replaced by an empty desk papers neatly stacked or put away. The dim light of the setting sun casting long shadows in the sterile looking room. As she looked at the now barren room, she felt the all too familiar feeling of loneliness wash over her. She backed out slowly closing the door behind her with a quiet whoosh and made her way to get her stuff and go home, she missed tony he made her life hard but full, she didn't feel so empty without him.

Tony Stark jolted awake body quaking sweat running over the planes of his skin, his brown eyes drifting around him as he tried to remember where he was and why he was there. When the memories finally washed over him as awareness settled over him like a welcoming blanket he shuddered and stood wincing as his knee protested. He stretched his hands toward the ceiling of the cave as far as he could go relishing in the sound of his joints popping and his back loosening.

He made his way towards the sleeping people in the cave with him making sure they were all still alive like he had every night for the past week he'd been in there company. When he'd finally made sure they were all alive he went to the entrance of the cave he stopped short eyes catching himself in the mirror. He approached it reaching up under his shirt to peal of the disk of sticky black plastic that hid the arc reactors light.

When the soft blue glow filled the entrance he stopped short there on his chest surrounding the reactor was a crisscross pattern of what looked like ink. It looked like someone had taken a pen to his skin and drawn on the scared skin. "Palladium poisoning" he whispered. It suddenly made since to him, the pain and itching he'd been feeling around his reactor. Replacing the light block and pulling his shirt down, he went back into the main part of the cave he needed to make sure he needed a palladium tester.

Instantly his mind went to work on figuring out the parts.

The fifty or so people in the cave awoke with a start to a load bang and cursing. Light filled the cave as people pulled out their flashlights and shone them around the room the beams finally landing on tony stark who sat on the floor one hand on his arm the other on his leg. He was still cursing, in Italian it seemed. It wasn't till people spotted blood running from under his fingers and a box of scrap metal next to him that people began to panic. Colonial Rhodes reached him first.

"Tony, tony are you alright?" he asked gripping his friends shoulders.

"No I'm not alright," tony snapped, "I'm bleeding I stubbed my toe and I really, really wish I hadn't throne that bottle of scotch out the damn airplane."

Rhodey laughed, "If you can bitch like that you'll be fine."

Tony looked up at him then a look of uncertainty on his face, "but for how much longer?" he asked.

Rhodey stopped laughing and gazed down at his friend long and hard even after he was forced to move to let the military medic that was with them in to take a look at the cuts.

Hours later that loan camera man with the dinky camcorder around his neck stood off to one side of the cave camera rolling trained on the man sitting at the pocked mark work table the box of scraps dumped out around him. T-shirt greased stained hands not much better a look of absolute concentration on his face every time the man reached for the sedaline torch at his right the bandage came into view from the shadow, it was obvious the man was in his element.

Next to the camera man Rhodes came up, after a moment he broke the silence, "it amazing isn't it?" he asked.

"Sir?" the camera man asked.

"Watching him work; he never wavers never stops. I've seen him go days without eating or sleeping living off coffee and Redbull. He's like a machine with his single minded focus, and like an artist he's so fluid in his movements never wasting energy or time."

The camera man turned his camera to Rhodey.

"I once asked him what it was that he thought about when he worked. I remember he thought for a moment then said, 'nothing, when I'm working on blueprints or with one of my project I don't think I do, it's the only time I'm not thinking.' But I don't think that's true, I think what goes through his head when he's working surrounded by wires and blueprints are equations, one mathematical problem after another, I think he runs on math. Always calculating that's what makes him so good in the business world and in the public every move he makes is calculated."

The camera man turned his camera back to Tony, and films as a smile of triumph crosses the man's face before he puts the little thing he made to his finger and pushes a button, the camera doesn't catch the little wince or the sound of the needle sliding out of its compartment. It does catch the fall of the smile and the hunch of his shoulders. The camera catches the look of devastation on his face before its hidden behind dirty hands.

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